Caregiver’s Fourth Right:

I have the right to get angry, be depressed and express other difficult feelings occasionally.

Watching someone we love decline, lose their independence and perhaps their
life....

Having little or no ability to predict or control the changes that take place each day....

Losing the semblance of our “normal” lives ....

Feeling exhausted, frustrated, anxious, and hopeless....

The emotional strains of caregiving often overshadow the physical demands.  It is not unusual for caregivers to become depressed as our responsibilities increase and our sense of control decreases.

Depression manifests itself by many names and in many ways.  Many describe their feelings as anger, anxiety, guilt, irritability, loneliness, resentfulness, sadness, or stress.   Others experience a change in their eating habits, a weight loss or gain, extreme fatigue, loss of interest in things, a sense of inadequacy, chronic complaints of headaches, digestive problems and pain.  Most caregivers do not want to admit to being depressed.  But signs of depression are not signs of weakness.  If the caregiver or those around the caregiver notice that these symptoms are persistent or reoccurring, it is imperative that they seek help.

Studies have shown that 30-40% of caregivers have symptoms of depression -- double the rate of the general population.   Family caregivers comprise more than 60 million people.  The majority of these caregivers are wives or daughters of the individual requiring care.  Women are more likely to be depressed but less likely to seek care; they are embarrassed, or deny what they are feeling, or they don’t make the time.  Men deal differently with these same feelings; they are more likely to seek treatment or “self-medicate” by working longer hours or turning to alcohol.   Typically, men are less likely to express these feelings or confide in friends.  And more than 60% of elderly caregivers are at a higher risk of serious health problems than their counterparts because their bodies have been in an extended period of stress. 

Family caregivers may also experience these feelings after the caregiving experience ends.  The loss of a loved one, the loss of what was the focus of your life, and a diminished sense of purpose can exacerbate depression. 

How can you cope? 

·        Set realistic goals for yourself.  You cannot do it all, and you need not do it all alone.

·        Break the big tasks into smaller parts.

·        Do the worst task first.  Delay and procrastination increase stress.

·        Stay in touch with the outside world.

·        Make time for yourself.

·        Confide your feelings to a trusted friend or family member.  Don’t be ashamed to admit anger or exhaustion.

·        Discuss important decisions with someone first.

·        Contact a support group.

·        Find humor each day; the “M*A*S*H” approach to dealing with tragic events really can alleviate stress temporarily.

·        Find a safe release -- exercise, music, meditation, walking outside, or even screaming into a pillow!

If these feelings persist for a period of more than two weeks or if you experience thoughts of suicide, caregivers need to seek professional help without delay.  Depression deserves the same care that would be given to diabetes or high blood pressure.  The physician or therapist may recommend medications and/or therapy.

If you care about a family caregiver undergoing severe emotional strain, please do not try to mask the seriousness of the situation with soothing statements like, “You need to keep calm,” or “You need to have faith.” Faith does not preclude depression. Instead, concentrate on being a good listener, withholding judgment, and supporting the caregiver’s decision to seek professional help.