I have the right to take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. It will give me the capacity to take better care of my relative.
Taking care of yourself is the most important thing you can do as a caregiver. You cannot provide good care for anyone else if you do not care for yourself first. Consider the instructions you receive when boarding an airplane: adults are told to put on their oxygen masks before placing a mask on their child. That sounds counterintuitive to us – we are conditioned to safeguard our loved ones first. But in reality, if the adult (caregiver) loses oxygen, he/she can be of help to no one. It is very easy to allow yourself to become the last in line when you are a caregiver.
· Caregiving should be an act of love we give to another, not only a sense of duty.
· Caregiving is a long-term commitment for most.
The average length of time a caregiver provides care is 4.5 years. That suggests caregiving is more like a marathon than a sprint, and if you are not pacing yourself and taking good care of yourself, those years are going to be very hard on you.
As a caregiver, you need to learn to be assertive regarding your needs and you need to learn to accept your limits. Where do you begin?
Sleeping well is vital for health and well-being. Sleeping entails hours of undisturbed rest each and every day; napping is not sleeping. Preparing your loved one for the night is a priority: a calm, comfortable environment, dry clean skin, sleeping aids and/ or pain medications given as prescribed by their doctor. Many of these same measures will prepare you for a good night’s sleep: a snack, a warm shower or bath, and a calm, comfortable environment. If you are not sharing the same room and are concerned about your loved one’s well-being during the night, setting up a room monitor, as you would for an infant, is a great option. Arranging for a family member, friend, or paid help to stay at night is also a good option. Unless you need to awaken at a specific time, don’t set an alarm. Waking naturally is best. When you awaken, if your loved one is still resting comfortably, let them sleep. Make this time YOUR time: enjoy a cup of coffee or tea, the morning newspaper, a good book, or a walk in your garden. The day will be busy enough soon enough.
Eating well is also very important. Make healthy choices for your meals and snacks. Your nutritional needs are just as important as your loved ones. Eat regular meals. If you are on a special diet for health reasons, try your best to maintain it. This is not the time to diet. Take shortcuts where possible: use a crock pot, make one-dish meals, freeze extra portions for future meals. Many couples will opt for a “meals-on-wheels” service to remove the task of meal preparation from their days. If family or friends offer to bring a meal, say yes and don’t be shy about offering them special instructions (for example, “we can’t tolerate dairy anymore”). Often, others want to help but don’t know where to begin and cooking or baking is a familiar task for them. Learn to accept help graciously.
Conserving energy whenever and wherever you can is essential. A short nap during the day is often helpful, especially if your loved one is napping too. Put your legs up. Get in the habit of making time for yourself each day. Even a 5-minute break for a private indulgence can make a difference (take deep breaths, listen to a favorite song, relive a favorite memory, eat dark chocolate!) Everything doesn’t have to be completed in one day. It helps to make a schedule, and pace yourself accordingly. Dust and dirty laundry will be there whether you tend to them immediately or the next day. Share the workload: if your loved one is able, have him help within his limitations; folding towels and matching socks are great exercises for arms and hands. If your local pharmacy or grocery store delivers, take advantage of that service, even if it costs a few dollars. You’ll compensate by saving time, energy, and the cost of gas.
Taking care of your own health care needs is a major priority. See your doctor for routine checkups and problems as they arise. Ask for the first appointment of the morning or the first one after lunch to avoid long waiting periods. Take your medications as prescribed. Exercise daily to your tolerance, even if that means doing laps around the inside or outside of the house. Walking is great for your overall health without being overly taxing.
Thirty to 40 percent of caregivers suffer from depression. It is important that both the caregiver and their supporters recognize the signs of depression. Any five of the following symptoms lasting more than two weeks needs further evaluation by a health care provider: anxiousness, restlessness, irritability, sadness, an empty feeling, hopelessness, guilt, helplessness, loss of interest, inability to concentrate, profound fatigue, insomnia, appetite changes, weight loss or gain, thoughts of suicide.
Enjoying life is important despite all the overwhelming changes that may be occurring. Don’t give up the things you enjoy, make time for them. You learn to make schedules and routines for everything, now learn to make time for yourself. Treat yourself to time alone or with friends outside the home. Remember to laugh.
Give yourself credit for all you do, including learning your own limits. You will need support to accomplish the caregiving challenges you will face. Learning to ask for help is vital. Establish a back-up plan, because each day will bring changes in this season of your life, and the life of your loved one.
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