Looking at the calendar this morning, I realize it has only been three weeks since we learned the diagnosis of Dad’s cancer but it feels as if this journey has been much longer. Today will be Dad’s last chemotherapy treatment for the first scheduled round; with the exception of some bruising on his arm, a shorter haircut and more fatigue than usual he has survived it better than we could have anticipated. Dad has also had time to contemplate the shock of the diagnosis, the anticipated treatment plan and the reality that the choices are his alone.
Living just 100 miles away over this last year has often felt more like 1000 miles. I am aware that I am not alone in feeling this exaggerated distance when someone we love dearly is ill or elderly and we are not living nearby. There are approximately 7 million adults who are long-distance caregivers, providing care for aging parents who live an hour or more away. Many of us frequently ask ourselves the same questions:
- Are they telling you everything?
- Will they ask the questions you prepared for them?
- How will they handle all the information directed at them?
- Should you have taken the time off and gone to the appointment/treatment with them?
- Are they eating regularly and sleeping enough?
- What else can you do to decrease their stress?
Just as other long-distance caregivers have learned; I will learn that I cannot be there as much as I would like and that I cannot control all that I wish I could. There is a fine balance in helping them through the medical obstacle course, trying to make day-to-day life easier and not infringing on their independence.
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