Elder Abuse, Continued

In my decades of caregiving experience, among the saddest situations are those times when I have suspected elder abuse.   The stresses of caregiving can be tremendous.  These stresses are magnified when the needy loved one is elderly, progressively weakening and totally dependent – or when the caregiver is struggling emotionally him or herself.   The incidents of elderly abuse are often hidden from public view, ignored as a shameful secret, or concealed as a private family matter.  The abused elderly so often have no advocates, constituency, or public voice.   But silence is deadly.  The two examples I share (real names protected) underscore why it is so vital that we care for each other, support each other and guide each other to appropriate resources when the burden of caregiving becomes too heavy.  

Betty, an elderly woman, was now living with her daughter.  She was no longer well enough to live independently.  Every weekday, Betty was left alone with instructions to stay in her room while her daughter went to work – with no food or liquids left for her so she couldn’t make a mess that would need to be cleaned up.  Betty’s isolation was reprieved once a week when Julia, an elderly friend from her church, would visit for the afternoon; her friend would help her   freshen up.  Julia also would bring a special lunchtime treat for them to share.  Julia was very sad to see what was happening because she, herself, enjoyed a wonderful life, living with her daughter and her daughter’s family.  Julia was afraid to say anything to anyone for fear Betty would no longer be removed from her daughter’s home -- then where would she go?

Ruth was angry.  Her husband had had a massive stroke about a year ago and she was tired of caring for him.  She refused to discuss the option of placement for respite or long term care because she wasn’t going to spend that kind of money!  John was powerless to say or do anything for himself; he was totally dependent on Ruth. On each visit, he was found bathed and dressed, medications given on schedule and meals nutritious but the mood of the household was hostile.  The one day, the aide came to help John with his bath and noted fresh bruises on his back and legs.  John could not speak for himself, so Ruth was gently asked what had caused these bruises.  She denied being aware of them.  The following week more bruises appeared.  Again, she denied being aware of them.  Suspicion grew among the staff visiting the home and adult protective services were notified by the agency.  It was discovered that Ruth was hitting John to dispel her anger.   Their marriage had not been happy; John had often been physically abusive to her during their relationship but she had stayed because there were two children to raise.  Finally, she felt she could release the demons she had carried for decades.  John was placed in a facility and Ruth was directed to therapy.