After the Final Moments

My work with hospice has always been highly dynamic – no two individuals, caregivers, homes, or end-of-life experiences were ever the same. I have been at the side of many individuals and their caregivers in the last moments of life. My words and actions varied according to the needs of the individuals, but my concerns were always for those left behind. Sometimes, I said very little; at other times those conversations lasted for hours. I have held many hands and shared many hugs, and I’ve also respected the family’s preference for no human contact. In all cases, I made every attempt not to leave the caregiver alone when I was leaving the home. I left them with my phone number to use as needed in those first weeks after their loss. In today’s post, I offer some insights drawn from two personal experiences. I encourage you to share your own insights, and I will post them.



I met Joe and his wife only once before his death. They were arguing over his wanting to drive into town and called hospice to mediate the situation, which was easily remedied. Then just a few weeks later, I received the call late one night that Joe was close to death and immediately headed to their home. When I arrived, he was taking his last breaths with only his wife and sister at his bedside. They asked that I lead them in pray before anything else was done. We were of different faiths but there we stood holding each others hands, reciting The Lord’s Prayer. The feelings we shared were so intense that it wasn’t until the last words were being said that I realized more voices had joined ours. I turned around to find their very small three-room home crowded with dozens of people; family, friends and neighbors. I found comfort not only in the time we shared that night but also in the awareness that Joe’s wife and sister would have support in their time of mourning.



I had been in and out of John and Louise’s home numerous times over the last months of John’s life, his decline was slow but steady and we had time to prepare for his death. The final call came in the very early hours of the morning and I left my home for theirs. When I arrived, Louise, his wife of many decades and his children were there and had been with him in his last hours. I offered my condolences and held Louise for some time because we had become close. She then helped me to bathe John one last time as we waited for the funeral home to arrive. When they got there, the family did not want to be present as John left his home for the last time. Louise came to me and asked if I would stay at his side. She said they trusted that I would protect him on his final departure from his beloved home. That was a very easy request to honor, and I was privileged to do so.


The Caregiver's Caregiver@ www.caregiver2caregiver.blogspot.com