Live to Eat…Eat to Live, Part IV

Peaches was a very independent woman in her 80’s, she still had her own apartment and enjoyed going to the senior center regularly. She was blessed with having four daughters living nearby who loved to spoil her. But to be perfectly honest, Peaches confided, sometimes their daily visits were more than she could handle. She would never tell them that; she knew they meant well. Peaches also knew something was really wrong with her, but she didn’t want to know what it was. At her age what were they going to do? Poke and prod and run endless tests -- that’s all they ever seemed to do anymore when she had a complaint. Peaches told no one about her problem: she simply couldn’t swallow anymore, it always felt like things were getting stuck, like she was choking. She made a decision to eat only what went down easy, and that was mostly fluids. Her girls always brought her delicious meals; she would praise their efforts and tell them she would eat a bit later. She hated doing it but the food would end up in the trash so no one would know she wasn’t able to eat. She made sure to always wear loose-fitting shirts so they wouldn’t see that her clothes were becoming much too large. Peaches was content with her decisions.

One day her daughter Jean stopped in after work to discover her mother collapsed on the floor. Within hours they discovered that their beloved mother had very advanced esophageal cancer. The family and doctors decided to try everything they could to slow the progression, and Peaches was too weak to protest. Peaches died several weeks later.


Many caregivers have the added responsibility of caring for a loved one who resides in a separate home. How can the caregiver make sure that there is enough food available, that it remains fresh, and that the individual actually eats the food? Here are a few simple suggestions:

•  If you are shopping for a loved one, purchase food you know they like, but purchase it in smaller quantities. Their tastes and appetites may change from day to day. If your loved one is on a restricted diet, keep a copy of the dietary restrictions with you when you prepare the grocery list.

• Meats can be hard to chew, swallow, and digest. Compensate with other sources of protein like milk, cheese, fish, eggs and peanut butter.

•  Steer clear of canned soups and vegetables, pickled or brined foods, and lunchmeats – all filled with salt.

•  If your loved one’s favorites aren’t healthy choices, experiment with some healthy substitutions, like:

•  Fruits and veggies, if chewing is not an issue.

• Peanut butter on toast, crackers, or sliced apples

• Cottage cheese and fruit, cheese and fruit or crackers,

• Since you can’t be there every moment, be sure to buy user-friendly foods. So many packages, cartons, and containers are tough to open. Whenever possible, open containers ahead of time.

• If you are bringing meals into the home, prepare just enough for one meal. Make small servings that can be frozen and easily defrosted and prepared. Label and date them clearly. It may be easier and more convenient to plan ahead for the entire week.

• Meals on Wheels is another option. This service is reasonably priced and delivered Monday through Friday in many communities. Most offer one or two meals a day (one hot/one cold). An extra benefit is that the food delivery person makes contact with the individual at time of delivery -- another safety check.

• If you are worried that your loved one or patient is not eating the food you deliver, stop in at meal time to assess the situation. You can also check the refrigerator during your visit to see what is being eaten, what is needed, and if something is no longer edible.

• To increase the caloric content and improve the taste of dietary supplements like Ensure and Boost, add a scoop of ice cream and some fresh fruit is blended in.

• How can you tell if someone is losing weight, especially if they refused to be weighed? Some of the most apparent signs are loose-fitting clothes, ill-fitting dentures, and facial changes (like sunken cheeks). You can often detect a change simply by giving your loved one a hug.

• Treat yourself and your loved one to a meal out after a doctor’s appointment. It may take additional effort, but a change of scenery can make food more appealing and make the doctor’s appointment more tolerable. Time shared together on simple outings like this is irreplaceable.

Finally, caregivers usually place themselves last in line. Their own nutrition and health are easily sacrificed while they take care of others. If you know and love a caregiver, what can you do to improve their nutritional health and well-being?

• Visit them with a healthy treat. Consider a basket of apples in season, vegetables from your garden, or a main course that can be easily frozen (and served in a disposal container so that the caregiver doesn’t have to worry about returning your dishes).

• Offer to do grocery shopping for them.

• Offer to stay with their ill loved one, so the caregiver can go shopping without being under time pressures. Quick grocery shopping often leads to poor choices.

• Take the caregiver out for a meal if at all possible.