Using Our Senses

After writing about the importance of listening, I feel inspired to share thoughts about the role other senses play in caregiving. The sense of touch is essential and I’d like to share a couple of caregiving cases to illustrate the difference it can make. Here’s the first:

Bernard always greeted me with a warm, wide smile and soft greeting; his first words were of concern about how I was doing. Bernard was slowly dying of ischemic heart disease. He had been on our cardiac care unit for several weeks, hoping and praying for a heart transplant to save his life. I was responsible for his care on my shift so I had been monitoring his decline each day since his arrival. Bernard had been a mail carrier for decades; I can still hear him telling me with a sad, soft chuckle and tears in his eyes that he would never live long enough to collect his first retirement check. I was afraid he would be right.

Then one night, his condition started to decline suddenly. We relocated him to one of our larger rooms because more space was needed for all the equipment we were now using. My shift was over but Bernard was unusually restless and I didn’t want to leave him. I sat quietly at his bedside for some time, caressing his forearm gently, hoping to soothe him. Finally, he reached over and took my hand and held it in his. My hand was warm and his was cool and dry. We sat in silence holding hands for a few minutes. He looked at me with moist, soft eyes and said, “It is time for you to go home now.” I said I would leave in just a bit, but he repeated it with more strength in his voice. I stood up; and said goodbye with tear-filled eyes. I released his hand from mine.

Bernard died shortly after I left; he chose to be alone.

Touch is healing, physically and emotionally. It allows us to comfort and bring peace and pleasure to those we care about. I have always held the hands of those who are sick and dying. I have always hugged and supported loved ones. I always will. (Contrary to the myth that health care professionals maintain “objectivity” by putting distance between themselves and their patients, the more experienced a healthcare provider becomes, the more she or he learns to rely upon the restorative power of a gentle touch.)

Often, the individual who is ill is surrounded by wires and tubing, noisy machines and beeping monitors. Family and friends want to touch but are intimidated by the equipment, they are scared they will hurt their loved one or will disturb the equipment. Because of my own feelings and experiences, I try to rearrange things in the room to open an area for family to come closer, I try to reassure family members that they will not hurt their loved one and that they might all feel better if they hold hands.

I encourage all loved ones to ask the health care personnel if they can touch a hand, an arm, a cheek. I always hope that the answer will be yes.